These articles were written by Kristen and published in international and national magazines, where they were subjected to an editors eye. Here we find them in their raw form.
Extreme Athletes Spew
For the book Stoked —Kristen UlmerWhy do we do it? Why do we jump off cliffs, hurl into abysses, put our lives at risk down mountains of water, snow or dirt?
The answer from those who don’t, or can’t possibly know is “because they have a death wish.” I’ve been hearing these words for decades, and I feel sorry for the folks who say them. A death wish? Don’t you see the smiles on our faces? The way our eyes light up? Our hearts bursting from our chests with adrenaline and passion? This is human art. We participate in these dangerous feats because they make us feel so alive.
Sure, we’re driven by dark, insisting demons. The need to feel more alive is birthed from the fear of not being alive, or of being normal, or uninspired. We’re motivated by insecurities, our desire for attention, sometimes even anger. But who among us isn’t? All professional athletes, not just the extreme ones, and all successful human beings are motivated by insecurities, and anyone who tells you different is either lying or unconscious. But unlike those who bury their pain in drama, despair, drugs and alcohol, we’ve found a way to express these demons in a positive way. I always say; thank God someone handed me a pair of skis when I was young, because the alternatives for someone with a personality like mine could have been disastrous.
For 15 years, I worked through my own insecurities and demons by jumping off 70 foot cliffs, skiing dozens of you-fall-you-die descents, trundling in 5 avalanches, throwing 100 foot swan dive front flips into powder, and living through a dozen near-death experiences. Yin and yang was my teacher; the closer you come to death the more you’re aware of true aliveness. The scarier the feats, the more my and my peers’ fevered minds become quiet, focused, unwavering- much like a Buddhist on a pillow concentrating on his breathe.
I felt sometimes as if I was a magnificent, savage animal ripping bloody hunks of raw meat off the earth and eating them, blood dripping down my chin and my strong, independent body. Howling at the world around me. Feeling so good for being so good at something so difficult, and so dangerous. I’d look at basketball or golf and just laugh. Focus? Imagine if you missed the put, and you would die. Or if you missed the basket, someone would shoot your knee cap off. Then you’d know the meaning of focus. Then you’d know what life is really about.
Life is about being alive, and imperfectly human, and trying to make sense of this chaotic world. Sharing your gifts too. Killing the wildebeest from time to time. Of course with all this adrenaline behind me, and happy for now to just be- I can see those moments for what they were now- a chance to learn. Many of the folks in this book can’t- they’re still chasing after the light- not afraid of gravity at all but afraid of something else.
But somehow I got past my own addiction to speed, fear, action, and can now say this: It was always worth it. Even the injuries. The dead friends. The incredulous accidents. In this book, we don’t see pictures of the dead bodies under the water, or the broken bag of bones lying unreachable in the crevasse. The uninformed again say “They died doing what they love” which is crap. That’s like saying someone who is killed by their spouse “died with the one they loved.” Oh no. Those who love these dangerous sports know it was the living, not the dying, that was the attraction.
The attraction was to become honest, raw human beings- full of adventure, following their gifts to the bleeding edge of what’s possible. They make this world a more vivid place- a place not of complacency, but of passion, exuberance and love. They are firefly’s drawn to the light.
And I would add, that without them- these mavericks- the world would die. It would die of judgments, resistance and pain.
So actually, don’t you see- gather round. It is actually those who don’t risk- whether it be in sports, work or love- who are the ones with a death wish.